I think my vagina is haunted
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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