I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
