she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
