hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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