why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
