I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize