Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
