I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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