dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
