my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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