mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
