Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
