My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
