can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
