Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
