Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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