If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
