Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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