She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
