I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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