I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
