New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
