The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize