U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
