i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
