I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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