You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
