I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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