tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize