I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
