A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
