Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
