YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
