"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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