We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
