Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
