I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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