Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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