my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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