Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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