so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
