Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
