Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
