do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
