Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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