i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
