We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you had me at cake vodka
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
