trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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