I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
