i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
