Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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