there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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