I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
