Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
