whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
