I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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