I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
