I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
