I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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