I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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