Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
