for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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