I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
