I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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