she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
