I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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