So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
