the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
