How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
