moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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