look no pants
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will pee on everything he values.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
