I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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