i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
