why didn't you poke me back
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
