I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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