he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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