Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
