Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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