Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
