I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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