I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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