Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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