Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
