finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
