you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im holly from the hills drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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