my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
