i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
