Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
