You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
