I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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