Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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