the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
