I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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