Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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