I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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