Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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