umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
