yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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