now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
