u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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