We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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