I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
