Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
