fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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