i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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