dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
