I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your cock deserves a montage
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
