Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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