I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
