Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
