I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
