Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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