I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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